I would say......when she says something hurtful......that is a hurtful comment......she will of course, try to justify it. repeat that is a hurtful comment. No further conversation. I might also say that.....if you choose to make disrespectful comments, we cannot have a conversation. She will, of course to to justify, explain. No further conversation. You are NOT the "bad guy"---You have every right to speak up when someone is disrespectful. WHEN she comments on how you look, dress, etc., I would say.....I am happy with the way I am. No further conversation is necessary. Unhappy people....... have a need to criticize others.