I was 5 minutes late for work because I went to bed at 2pm (They say I can come in an hour late and it's fine - But I like to be on time..).

Before I went to sleep, I felt very manic.. I could rhyme sentences so easily - I thought.. Could I be a rapper? No.. Because as rarely often as these times happen, they don't last long... And it would take work - Like everything I want to try.. A full zopiclone put me to sleep.

Idk why - But I feel great the longer I stay awake. I did a 24 hour fast and felt almost comatose until I ate my moms salad. I might do another one cuz I'm not hungry (But I'm drinking a coca cola). I lost 10lbs somehow (The weight that I gained on olanzepine) - I think it's from the extra Dexedrine.

I was quite anxious at work.. Just pushing through, really busy. I thought.. I can't stand up for myself when they want me to work an extra day during the summer (And my mom says not to..).. It's really dysphoric of a feeling..

I'm afraid of everyone there because I have to plan what to say. When people talk to me, I freeze and my mind goes blank, and then I continue the conversation in my head spontaneously. I just want to leave early all of the time and it's extremely uncomfortable.

The uncomfortable feeling/Not being able to have the WILL to speak, be myself, I came home and drank some rum because of that (To relax), muscles less tense..

I felt sad last night - No one to talk to.. and then eventually it faded. I don't stay in those states for long.. I'm not depressed it's just negative symptoms of schiz/autism.

So I'll just have a relaxing day today.. I see my psychiatrist in 2 weeks. I'll try to be honest about the negative parts to balance out my optimism about treatment.. Not sure what to say but I'll write it down. I'm kind of scared about changes being made.

I get the Invega Trinza injection in 3 days. I wish I could just stop it and see what happens - But I can't do that. People like us, many of them are homeless addicts or in the hospital for life from being resistant to meds. So I should be grateful that psychosis hasn't progressed badly.

Hugs to all