I can't say I was sexually abused, ever, but I was severely harassed when I was only a child, since 12, up to 14, worst at 13. It was mostly by boys from my class, and it was daily. I also got beaten and bullied from time to time, by girls or boys. Not all, there was a group of problematic children. Some had real bad family issues and suffered abuse themselves, some were just horrible children.
Problem is, it affected me a lot. I believed something is seriously wrong with me since I was seemingly (but probably not), only victim of abuse and bullying in class or even in school. I thought I was wrong, problem, horrible and something is wrong with me. I still think that deep inside.
It affected me a lot. I can't have friends, I am socially just lost case, I can't adapt to people and socialization, I tend to run away. I have no friends. I feel like everyone ever "feels" I am "not normal". That people can see that I am strange or weird in some way so I just hide from people and like to be alone. I am lonely a lot though, but I can't help it.
I also always chased unattainable men, men who won't commit ever, men who live in another city, far away, men who barely have free time for whatever reason (not married or in relationship though, I don't want to hurt any woman). I sabotage relationships a lot, I am hardly even aware of it I just do it. I ghost men sometimes, when I get scared, and I get scared a lot. I feel lousy, but I can't help it.
I know it seems like it wasn't a lot, but I was a child, not even some smart, mature child, just a child when harassment and bullying started, and when I was only 13 or 14 and teenager, even grown up men over 30 on the streets harassed me and followed me. I was very lucky nothing more than harass and groping happened mostly because I was very careful and fast to run away when something feels odd or dangerous, but I still have issues. I still run away on smallest sigh of trouble. I think I will be alone and lonely my whole life. This is it for me.