Just an update:

I think L and I figured out what's going on. It's fear. Every rupture, every misunderstanding, there's a component of fear. And I don't know how to cope with fear. But once she reassurances me and soothes that fear, the conflict is over. I think fear has consumed a lot of my life. From driving on my own, to accepting myself, to abandonment, rejection, being a burden, etc. So so many things. I really think we found the root of a lot of my issues.