Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Thanks, Comrade. It does often seem to be about him. We've talked about other coping strategies--whether it's talking to friends, posting here, distractions like TV or music, etc. But then there are times (including very recently) where the coping strategies haven't been enough. (Also in part due to stressors in my outside life, so I have less of a "buffer," as he put it the other day.) And I'm not sure we've really fully addressed how to manage that? I mean, I can email him, but then he won't reply until the next morning, so it's not as helpful if it's like 9 p.m. Though sometimes just the act of sending an email helps. (He also recently talked about an email "balance" thing, sort of like a bank balance, which made me feel more reluctant to email.)
On another note, I'm also bothered by the fact the he recently said he didn't think I'd experienced clinical depression while I've been seeing him, that it's all been from my anxiety. Which is actually something that I had thought about bringing up with him yesterday, before he said the thing about virtual sessions. As there have been times when I've ticked nearly every box on a depression checklist in the past couple years. So it feels invalidating for him to say he doesn't think I've experienced it. Yes, I know he's supposedly a diagnostic expert, but still....
Anyway, I think this is something I need to address with him tomorrow, both the "how to cope" piece and the depression thing.
I hope you're managing OK--I'm so sorry about what happened with your T--it's very wrong what she did.
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I think I mean something different when I refer to him helping you to know how to emotionally survive the misattunements. I don't really mean if he is exploring coping strategies with you or taking a behavioural approach, but whether he is working through the misattunement with you and staying with it long enough that you can develop a sense of recovery and safety within yourself. I can't describe it very well.
Do you know the Gestalt prayer? Personally, I think it is pretentious and it's a bit of a cliche (and I am certainly not recommending Gestalt as an option, it can be brutally abrupt), but it says something about those times when being in connection isn't possible.
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
So, easy to say "it can't be helped". When your core wounds are the business which is being missed, it really hurts, but I think there is something useful in accepting and still feeling safe in the natural disconnections of relationships.