Hm, things seem to always be on your husband's terms... or moods. Others have to suck it up or else he gets upset.

As for "and now she feels awful", call me cynical but from the way you describe her & how she treats her other daughter-in-law, I don't believe that. She is more likely using emotional blackmail to 'play' you. So that you now feel guilty at how horrible you are to her and she becomes the 'victim'.

Being rude to people can have consequences. If she believes one of the consequences is you not wanting to talk to her, then maybe she should change the way she treats other people.