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The_little_didgee · 07:44 PM

I had delirium. There is no doubt. It fits my experience and what people observed when they saw me in that state.

This info is from The Mayo Clinic:

Signs and symptoms of delirium usually begin over a few hours or a few days. They often fluctuate throughout the day, and there may be periods of no symptoms. Symptoms tend to be worse during the night when it's dark and things look less familiar.

It was sudden and started with the inability to form memories. I vaguely remember walking to a house to watch a sporting event. I don't remember the afternoon.

I stayed at a friend's house that night and tried to leave in the middle of the night in a confused state. Apparently I couldn't dress myself. After that day my memories are fragmented. Lots of time is missing, which is something I never ever experienced before. Weeks of my life are missing.

My behaviour became very bizarre. People who knew me believed I was acutely ill with some unknown illness. The doctors refused to consider that I had a genuine illness. I did things so out of character, but because I was misdiagnosed they blamed it on BPD and didn't treat me. They actually suspected and accused me of abusing drugs because my symptoms were puzzling. I couldn't even give a reliable history, something they recognized but didn't bother to obtain from other sources.

They misinterpreted everything.

Some of the delirium symptoms made me appear spaced out. So I was accused of dissociating which they said was due to my history of abuse. That was false.

My records suggest that I had mixed delirium. Hospital staff noted the disorientation and irritability. I became very uncooperative at times and even signed out AMA from the Civic's psych unit. I have no memory of this.

Types of delirium:

Hyperactive delirium. Probably the most easily recognized type, this may include restlessness (for example, pacing), agitation, rapid mood changes or hallucinations, and refusal to cooperate with care.
Hypoactive delirium. This may include inactivity or reduced motor activity, sluggishness, abnormal drowsiness, or seeming to be in a daze.
Mixed delirium. This includes both hyperactive and hypoactive signs and symptoms. The person may quickly switch back and forth from hyperactive to hypoactive states.

What is really interesting about delirium is there can be periods of normalcy. My records reveal this.

May and June of 1996 are a blur. Things started to improve in July when my then new psychiatrist took me off almost all the medications.

I wish someone could have recognized what was really going on. The emergency doctors at both hospitals were puzzled but didn't bother to pursue it after the psychiatrists told them it was due to BPD even though there was plenty of physical evidence to contradict that diagnosis. So many of the notes contain question marks and wonder about what is going on. No one bothered. Apparently I wasn't worth the effort.

Stopping all the medication was what I needed.