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Originally Posted by InkyBooky
Hi LT, I'm usually a lurker, but I appreciate this board so much and have gained a lot of insight by reading about others' experiences with psychotherapy.
Anyway, I just wanted to log on to say that I do not believe you are over-reacting at all. It seems to me that you are very psychologically minded and that you have a great awareness of your own mental health struggles (in terms of how they manifest and impact your daily life). Furthermore, it seems that you work hard to increase your self-awareness and incorporate that knowledge/understanding into your other relationships so as to be a more attuned parent, spouse, friend, etc. I mean, you really DO the work of therapy...despite a somewhat clueless (although I'm sure very well-meaning) therapist.
In conclusion, I truly hope your T will slow down and use these golden opportunities within your therapeutic relationship to explore YOUR inner world and YOUR relational patterns/reenactments rather than continue to "explain-blame-gaslight" and then carry on as though none of it is useful to the therapy itself.
Sadly, your biggest takeaway from these sorts of interactions with your T often seems to be that you need to find a way to change your own behavior in order to "protect" the relationship. Yikes- that is exactly what happens in many real world relationships (and most likely what you experienced in childhood from your parents)...it should not be happening in therapy.
Kudos for you for working so hard (in and out of therapy) to understand these patterns for yourself.
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Thanks for the supportive comments. I do feel like my T is missing many opportunities to examine what's going on with me. Sometimes I try to explain it myself, like saying at the end of today's session, I know he's not into talking about "parts." But it felt like in the second part of Friday's session, it was like my child part came out and was just desperate for some sort of reassurance and connection. I also used the term "frantic."
That to me seems like something to explore more with him, the triggers, what I'm experiencing when I feel that way, why it's difficult to control, and when it happens with other people, whether now or in the past. It's easier for me to talk about it as a child part, but he's said before he doesn't like using that sort of terminology, to just talk about what I'm feeling (or something like that).
You make a really good point on how it feels like I need to change my behavior. Should I be aware of how my behavior might affect others? Yes, and I know that's something he tries to focus on. However, it also doesn't mean that it should always be me who shifts my behavior or perspective. You're right that it's something I did at times with my parents and in other relationships. So it's not helpful if I'm just repeating that pattern with Dr. T--unless he can help me examine it, not for his own comfort/lack of being irritated/annoyed (which is what it feels like at times, including very recently), but to help me.