Hello. I've been away from the forum for quite a time. I'm battling a wrist injury and can't always post.

I've noticed a common theme in the "little things" that irritate me the most.

When people assume I'm probably going to fail at something before I've even had a chance to try.
When people tell me some basic common-sense fact that most reasonably intelligent preschoolers would already know.
When people rush in too soon and offer me a ton of help that I haven't asked for and don't need.
When people speak to me in a high-pitched "kindergarten teacher" voice, using short words and simple sentences.
When people use childish terms at me, such as "girl" rather than "woman," alongside the aforementioned "young lady."
When people act surprised that I am able to perform some basic life skill on my own.
When people repeat information several times as if they don't expect me to retain it, only to end up offering to write it down for me in case I forget. (Surprise, I am capable of both remembering, and writing it down for myself if I need to.)

All of these things are condescending, whether they're meant that way or not. They send the message that I am seen as defective, that I am not expected to be competent or independent like most people. Even "I'm so proud of you" is condescending at its core, because who usually says that? Parents, teachers, and others in authority over you. If somebody feels they are in a position to be proud of me, then they're also conveying that they are in some way above me and have the right to evaluate my performance. Plus, as stated in my OP, I didn't do whatever it was just to please them. Like the song says, "I don't exist for you."

I passionately hate being seen as somebody who needs supervision. To my knowledge I haven't given off any signals that I can't routinely manage on my own, and have to be looked after and checked up on, and I do wonder what it is about me that gives off such an impression.

Ironically, it seems the only time people aren't needlessly fussing over me is when I really do need help, and ask for it. Then they're nowhere to be found.