Ever since I had to go off of lithium in November 2020, I have been manic - almost like a slingshot effect. The mania has been worse than it's ever been in my entire life and most days it is unbearable. Then there are the days when a depressive episode sets in as well. To say that I have been miserable and disfunctional is an understatement.

It has been too slow going because I had to find a new provider since my Egyptian psychiatrist of 10 years had to return to his country and then the psych hospital waaaay over medicated me.


The new provider is a nurse practitioner at a reputable women's psychiatric clinic and she is definitely helping me but the process has just been agonizingly slow because she simply doesn't know me like he did and we literally had to start over because of the hospital screwups. For instance, she's very stingy with the Klonopin at only .25 mg twice a day whereas he gave me 1 mg x 2 and sometimes more if I felt I needed it because he knew he could trust me. She just doesn't know me that well yet.

Last week on Monday I was suicidal and then Friday I was severely manic. It's as though the new drugs, Latuda and Depakote, are putting up a wall and every now and again my bipolar 1 punches a hole in it. Then the medication makes a patch only to have it punch through again and get repatched until the next time. On Friday I called the psych clinic and she raised the dosage on the depakote.


Now I'm wanting to go back out into the world again. Take a new CASA case, volunteer at the new animal shelter...OMG! Maybe go back to work again while I'm not too old...

I almost have hope again.