Smileygal brings up some great points that get me thinking (not so much about you, LT, but more broadly in terms of relationship dynamics). It absolutely isn't our job in life to worry too much about other people's reactions to us. Generally, feelings of annoyance and irritation are more a reflection of one's own issues, insecurities, trigger points, etc. I'm not saying we shouldn't be self-aware- but there's no way for us to not trigger such feelings in others if those feelings ultimately originate from within the other person themself. I hope that makes sense.

My partner and I have been working on this recently because we have been together many years and tend to trigger the heck out of each other. For example, if I say something that lands wrong they might say "I'm feeling kind of defensive or annoyed by your comment but I think this is coming from my own issues of feeling like I'm being told what to do or patronized". Then I can sort of get curious about why I said it like that (sometimes I realize it was slightly intentional because I knew it might get a reaction). All of this is pretty unconscious for both people until you bring it out into the open. But dang, it sure does make for some interesting exploration of relationship dynamics. But the key is that each party owns their own ****!

Edited to add: we've been doing a lot of our own individual therapy to get to a place where we can do this. I know it's not possible to do this in all relationships. (for example: I DO NOT attempt this with my own mother. She hasn't done her own work and could not tolerate it whatsoever).

In conclusion, it seems that it isn't helpful for you to hear about the times your T is annoyed by you because those reactions are more about him than about you. Perhaps instead, he might carefully and intentionally disclose that some of your behaviors bring something up within himself (while admitting that it's his own stuff) and then invite you to explore the relationship dynamic going on there between the two of you.