Quote:
Originally Posted by Quietmind 2
I think the blunt honesty can be a fine balance, which shifts naturally back and forth depending on whatever is going on. Between my T and I, at least.
And I can be bluntly honest back even if I know she wouldn't like it, even as I'm not intentionally hurtful.
There's benefits in learning to be assertive with your therapist when there's misattunement, as well as times where if he knows you're having a difficult time... it seems "common sense" that he ought to try to be more gentle.
Regarding the SH bit, I don't know if that's a red flag or not. My T works with patients with chronic self-harm (and I've a history of it, in the past), so she's not overly worried but also takes note of the reasons. Eg, if I wasn't grounded enough after a session of processing when I left etc.
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Thanks, QM. This fits with something I was considering earlier, actually.
I was thinking about how maybe it would help if we could work on my expressing anger or even just irritation or annoyance toward him. Being able to express it, then maybe examine it, without him necessarily getting defensive or else lashing out in response. I'm not good at expressing anger (or other negative emotions) toward people, and I feel this could be a place where I could try it out.
But if he's going to be like (to use the recent thing as an example): "Well, of course my family has to come first!" or "I'm not going to risk my marriage so that we can meet in person," that's not going to be helpful to me. If I could express it and we could talk about, say, what it felt like for me to say that, how it came across to him (without his getting defensive).
It's something that could help me in my outside life. I feel like it often comes out wrong when I try to express negative emotions to H, for example. And it definitely did with a former friend (as she ended the friendship over a reaction I had, though tbh, it had been going poorly for a long time).
That's also helpful to know how your T handles SH.