Replying to Una, I'm not trying to have a tantrum. I'm trying to learn to communicate negative feelings to people *without* having a tantrum or without turning it back on myself instead. I was never really taught how to do this as a kid, whether in the sense of actually being taught or seeing it modeled by my parents, as they tended to keep negative feelings inside (I don't ever recall seeing them have an argument). It's part of the whole "good girl" thing, I guess? So now, in trying to express myself as being upset or angry or irritated or whatever, whether to H, T, or whoever, I often end up just crying and pulling back on what I want to say; I sometimes end up saying things more harshly than I mean them (upsetting the other person); or other options that don't add up to my expressing myself effectively.

So it's not about tantruming, but about effective, adult communication.