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Originally Posted by Rive.
Agreed. He really ought to be mindful of that. As a therapist, there is an inherent power imbalance. Why create more distress by promising the moon to clients?!
Wow, this is plain wrong. He still doesn't seem to be getting it and his spiel comes across as a poor excuse.
How on earth is saying that to clients therapeutic? A T's interventions ought to be in their clients' best interests. How does it help to hear: oh, I wanted to be in-person. Had I been single, I would still be seeing you but I have a family and they don't want me to. That sounds really cringey and makes him come across as a wimp.
Whether he was 'forced' into this decision (or not) at the end of the day, HE agreed to go along with it. This is how he should couch it to his client *not* dragging in his personal life into the therapy room. 'I decided to...' not 'Hey, I wanted to but they didn't let me'
Absolutely. This is good awareness. He is re-triggering you and keeps 'leaving' (abandoning) you - physically and otherwise.
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Thanks, Rive. I appreciate the validation.
He seemed to sort of get why it bothered me that he was essentially putting the blame on his wife/son...but then he basically just doubled down on it, like, "Well, yes, but it is their fault!" I also remember him saying once--I think for the day after Thanksgiving? That he wasn't going to be seeing clients because "My wife is making me take that day off." As opposed to saying, "I decided to take off that day" or just "I'm off the day after Thanksgiving" (I mean, it's a very common day to take off).
In terms of the "abandoning" me, it occurred to me today that it seems like I've felt more insecure about the relationship since resuming in person. I think it's partly because I was afraid to get too comfortable with in-person at first (as last year, it lasted all of 3 weeks), then each time I've started to relax about it, something has happened. Like his texting me a Zoom link while I was in the waiting room (he was in the office but mistakenly had me down as Zoom), which led to the whole check-in thing. Or his having to switch to virtual at the last minute the one day. Or this week, with the fairly last-minute decision to do virtual all week.
Yes, I know these may all seem minor to some (one being an honest mistake), and it isn't true abandonment per se, as it's not like he's terminating me or even entirely canceling sessions. But it's difficult to settle in and feel at ease. Whereas when I was virtual for a long stretch, I had just sort of resigned myself to that for a long time and gotten used to it. Now it feels like I'm readapting to in-person, then virtual for a day or week, then his being out of town, then (presumably) in person again. I was fairly strongly affected by ex-T and ex-MC changing offices, so it's not surprising this is affecting me as well.
Anyway, just rambling there, I suppose.