At the risk of sounding big headed, I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person, so it actually astounds me why it takes me so long to 'get' some of these things you know! I was feeling frustrated and disappointed at the end of today's session because, while I told you a lot (for me!), I got to the point of being totally discombobulated, and having to stop and just let my brain rest for a while. To try and piece together what had been said. It was like I said it, but I didn't say it, and I certainly didn't feel it. You asked me several times today about feelings, but there was nothing there. It was as if I had become cut off again from my body, and that, coupled with the fact that we are covering stuff I had covered in some depth with K, let to my frustration and disappointment. What's the point if I go to the disconnected place?

Well blow me down, as you were saying whatever it was you were saying (I wasn't listening!) It suddenly came to me in a flash. Maybe it's ok that I go to that place sometimes. Maybe sometime things just need to be said and it's too much for me to both say and feel at the same time. Maybe that's just my way of dealing with things. Of managing things. That doesn't mean I'm never going to feel anything again. That doesn't mean we aren't making progress. That doesn't mean I have taken a step backwards. Not necessarily, anyway! How has it taken me so long to realise this??