Dear T,
I seriously hate my brain. Why am I even thinking about this? You could be off for any number of reasons tomorrow, none of which have anything to do with your health.

I'm sure it's partly related to your telling me a couple weeks ago that you just had the blood work for your overdue physical. So suddenly my brain is going to "Wait, what if some number was off and you're having some additional testing done tomorrow, like what if they suspect cancer or something? And, oh, perhaps that's the actual reason your wife is insisting you do virtual and it's not about your vacation at all, or maybe it's because it could potentially be your last vacation, just in case it's bad news?"

Which I know is all completely ridiculous and pointless to worry about without any concrete reason to think that. Why is this in my mind at all? (Rather than, say, worrying about whether something will happen to you on vacation, which is my usual concern. Such as a car accident because you used that as an example yesterday of why you could theoretically have to cancel a session at the last minute vs. just switching to virtual.)

And then the glaringly obvious reason occurred to me: *I'm* having blood work done later this morning after an overdue physical, followed by an only slightly overdue mammogram next week. Is this actually fear about myself, but it's easier for me to cope with in a way to displace it onto you? Like "What if something serious is wrong with you" when it's truly, "What if something is seriously wrong with *me*?"

I mean, i worry about you, too, and hope you're OK. But with the timing (especially since I've known you were off Wednesday since last week), I suspect the true fear in this moment is actually about my own health.

Love,
LT