There’s a guy in my group who is not acting like himself and it’s making me nervous. He went off all meds and now he’s verbally aggressive and becoming paranoid. He accused a group member of mimicking him and is accusing all the clinicians of talking about him behind his back, at program and at home with their partners/families. I had to leave group when he started going off on a religious tangent about how the Jews murdered Jesus. I honestly don’t think I can go back if he’s there acting like this. I mean I know he’s not in the right headspace and it’s not necessarily his fault but I am very nervous that it will become physical, especially if he feels someone is disrespecting him by looking at him the wrong way or something.

I won’t be there for the rest of the week anyway because I’ll be caring for my son. Hopefully by the following week he’ll have calmed down. If he hasn’t I’ll just continue virtual for the rest of the time I’m there. I’ll be physically safe and I’ll be able to shut off the sound if it gets verbal.

Of course this is underscoring that no matter how much I may want to I cannot return to my current job. If I can’t deal with aggression when I’m not expected to de-escalate it, how can I possibly handle being expected to get involved with or in between aggressive students? I’m thinking of leaving education altogether. Maybe switching to administration assistance work. I wouldn’t mind being a front desk receptionist at a medical office. I enjoy my retail store job, talking to people and helping them.

I’d really like to only work part time for now but I need health insurance. I tried to get on RS’s but I just couldn’t handle the work involved, which was literally only calling and cancelling my own insurance. I don’t know what my issue is right now. I feel blocked and I feel paralyzed. Not really depressed just unable to do what I need to do. I don’t even want to get up in the morning. I’ve been sleeping much later because I don’t want to face the day. I don’t really know what to do.

I found out CR’s surgery is going to cost $2800. My dental work is $3600. Then I have to get CR started on orthodontic work. It’s not just cosmetic for him, I can barely understand him because of how his permanent teeth are positioned. So that’s probably at least $5000. My dental work is also necessary for my health, I could get another infection.

I have to go grocery shopping but I’m really not feeling very well mentally. Maybe if I listen to a podcast while I’m shopping I’ll be less aware of everyone around me so I’ll be less anxious.