I am a survivor of horrible child abuse from my mothers lover who was a pdoc. She emotionally abused me from as far back as i can remember he sexually abused me from the age of 8 to 15/16. My mum sexually abused me a couple of times.

I have had a fairly traumatic time really, all the people i loved abandoned me,never protected me, died or let me down in one way or another. I have been getting a lot stronger just lately ..... so much so i started believing in myself and having a bit of confidence.

A chain of events has made me slide once again (doesn't take much)and i'm feeling wide open and raw. I haved deep routed problems that cause me to act in strange ways sometimes. People tend to judge don't they? (IRL)

Right now I am missing my t badly. I feel like i am 15 again, insecure, sad, abandoned and the dreams have started again
always about my mother ..... laughing at me .....in our old house where most of the bad memories were. I am disappointed with myself for taking this step backwards. I am down because of trust issues (big problems)people not trusting me and vice versa.

i was doing so well .... maybe i should stay away from people all together and become a hermit ..... that would please a few i can tell you.

I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO ..... I AM NOT STRONG RIGHT NOW ..... this is NOT a pity thing either, i am saying it how it is ...... my insides are in turmoil i want to run or hide .... sorry this is so long

jinny/kez