My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar check-in #67

*Beth* · Jul 06, 2022, 04:02 PM

I'm so angry I could spit. Checked my bank account a few minutes ago and it's been hacked. Someone placed a $105 charge on my account to a Walmart in Arkansas. So my account is frozen until tomorrow. It wouldn't be a big deal, except that I'm scheduled to go to lunch with my friend tomorrow. Since she's driving quite a ways from another city and gas is insanely expensive I offered to pay for our lunch. So now I can't access any cash and my debit card is shut off. I'm going to ask David to borrow the money, but he'll have a fit because he doesn't think I should be spending money on such "luxuries" as lunch at a nice restaurant.

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I told David what's going on and he agreed to loan me the money. He wasn't verbally angry, just ice cold. He does that and it leaves me with a knot in my stomach, feeling like it's my fault that things didn't go the way they should. I mean, I didn't hack my account, but his icy lack of communication makes me feel like I did. I wonder what it would feel like to have his kindly support. Just once, so my stomach could relax instead of tightening up. For he and I to pull together instead of dividing apart.

I feel like I just want to take a bunch of sleeping pills and crawl into bed.

But I will put myself into the shower, then put my skates on, skate and forget about everything.

Mary is due to be back on Wednesday. I have an appt. with her on Thursday. The sweet receptionist said that Mary will "probably" be calling on Wednesday, prior to our appointment. Now I'm all anxious about that. I mean...I really don't want to go into stuff on the phone. I just want a session in her office on Thursday. So should I just let her leave a message? I guess so. But then that makes me anxious, too. Ugh.

I've honestly been thinking lately about getting a medical marijuana card to treat anxiety and insomnia. They're easy to get, legal, but the cost is $100. Then of course there's the cost of whatever someone purchases. But I really don't want to smoke anything; my dad died of lung cancer from smoking cigarettes. There are other options, but that seems so weird to me, lol. I'm old school.

I guess I'll just keep roller skating! It sure is therapeutic.

My insurance approved the Vraylar & the pharmacy will deliver it later today. I'll give it a hard try. I so wish it would be helpful.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I'm envisioning each one of us kicking back, totally relaxed, all floating in one big pool. Ahh, it feels so nice.