This is reminding me of when my mother died. My t was leaving for a planned overseas vacation in just a couple of days. I was stunned by both events. Looking back now, there was nothing i could do to stop either, and i guess that was the lesson for me. My t had been there for me 1, 2, 3, or 4 days a week for idk almost ten years? My mother? Never there. So my t didnt have to actually be there, to "be there". He was a big help the day or so before he left. I wasnt planning to go to the funeral festivities at all, but he convinced me to go, and that was the better choice.

So im figuring some of this out just now, 5 or 6 years later. Im sorry you're in pain.