Hey SK, here's my thoughts, feel free to ignore if I'm wrong. I'm wondering about this pattern you have, where you show appreciation with gifts, gift cards etc. It's not wrong in itself, just to clarify, and I'm not judging. I vaguely remember that you also give money to charity, sponsor children abroad, etc, and how it adds up to a significant amount of what you earn?

I've a similar pattern, just in different ways, and my T has challenged me to come up with ways where I can show appreciation, caring etc or help causes I'm passionate about, help folks in need etc without money.

For many years when I earned income, I basically waa spending a lot on my younger brother and some friends in need, without caring about the cost... yet I was neglecting my own needs.

I'm no saint when I give these examples below:

I didn't blink at $200/session (that's more than my entire grocery budget now) for my younger brother's therapy, yet I wasn't seeing my T often enough despite needing that due to chronic suicidality and ongoing abuse.

I loaned money to acquaintances who never returned the amount. I gifted friends professional tools for their profession, sometimes helped friends with their medical bills, helped some people on an ongoing basis etc.

While I was also depriving myself of a better quality of life medical care that I needed, etc.

Her point is that I've been self sacrificing too much in monetary ways for many years, and I'm unconsciously sabotaging my own future. That instead of telling her I couldn't afford her sliding scale fee anymore (I thought that was the lowest), I told her I need to see her less.

Not saying that's the case for you but I do hope you're saving money for your own needs and future.