Hugs if wanted, KLL. I'm very sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I had an answer. Have you actually told your T all this, what you typed out here? If not, it could be worth doing, to see what they say, if they have suggestions.

Does your therapist specialize in trauma? And have you tried EMDR? It could be you need a different T with a different approach or a different form of treatment. Some therapists are much more available to their clients, too. And you mentioned medication--what about other non-medication treatments like, for example, ECT, which my T has said can really help people (even though the idea of it is scary)? Or something like biofeedback or hypnosis?

I just hate to hear that you seem to be giving up on being helped, but I also understand how it can feel hopeless....