I am so sorry. I can really feel the pain in your words.

The first thing that springs to mind is maybe the problem isn't therapy per se, but your therapist. I don't mean your therapist is terrible but maybe he's not right for you. No therapist is right for everyone. I know it feels hopeless just now and I totally understand why, but the right therapist CAN be life changing. That said, I absolutely understand the difficulties with starting with someone else and investing in therapy again, especially with how you're feeling. But the right therapist can help you form relationships and work with all the difficulties you describe. You're not too damaged. I was an exceptionally broken, needy and dysfunctional human being when I found my university t and somehow she ended up being the person I needed. It IS intense, all the wounds and desires and needs do come out and that can be agonising, but very often they come out in other areas of life whereas in therapy they can be worked with.

It sounds to me like your T hasn't been able to meet your needs. You're not too much. Nearly every client thinks that. It takes the therapist to show they can handle what you bring. Not every therapist can, but believe me when I say many are capable of holding your pain, it's just finding one that's so hard.

I understand it all feels so tough right now and you don't feel like carrying on. I've been there too. But there is a way forward and you deserve to find someone or something that supports you. Is it worth trying a couple of other ts and explaining how you feel and saying you have intense trauma to work with and feel hopeless? Maybe see how they respond and whether they have anything to offer?

If you don't want to try therapy again, are there any local groups that might help? Meditation, yoga, a support group?

I don't believe anyone is too damaged for therapy but the wrong T can make you feel like that. There's always hope even when it feels hopeless. Try and hold onto that glimmer of hope right now. Your life has value.