I definitely feel for what you must be going through from my own personal experiences after a really unhappy breakup.

A psychologist taught me a little trick for getting through the really rough times with my anger. Don't know if it would be helpful to you or just a waste of your time but I will share it with you. Apologies in advance if it isn't helpful.

The brain operates on two different levels. On one level there a stream of constant thoughts and feelings that enter and leave one's consciousness. No one "asks" for this thought stream. One thought pops into one's mind and then another pushes that thought out and lingers a bit before being pushed out by another thought or feeling.

If there was only this thought stream, we would be literally at the mercy of what our brains are doing to us.

But we have the ability to sort of rise above this automatic thought stream and observe it, like a person in a mountain stream might step out of it and sit on the banks of the stream watching it go by.

There is a principle in psychology called "paradoxical intention." Sometimes when we try to do things the opposite of what we want happens. So we can turn things around. If one feels oppressed by one's automatic thoughts, one might try to flee from them. But ironically this often makes them come back more and more and stronger and stronger.

So the trick is to sort of embrace the unwelcome thought or feeling.

Here is a kind of example:

The thought of anger has entered my consciousness.
Now a memory has entered my consciousness.
Now I am experiencing a feeling of anger at myself for feeling angry.
Now I am trying to distract myself from that feeling.
Now I am feeling a little bit nervous about how strong the anger is.
Now I feeling that someone has been unfair to me.
Now a feeling a stronger anger that has popped into my mind again.

Here one is observing the automatic thoughts. The act of observation is empowering. But one can sometimes go further and embrace the thoughts and feelings even though this might sound crazy.

Here is an example . . .

I love you brain even though you are generating a string of angry thoughts.
I love you brain even though now you are generating the thought of being angry because you are angry.
I love you brain even though now you are feeling a little weary of these angry thoughts.
I love you brain even though now you are feeling that these angry thoughts are dangerous.
I love you brain even though now you are generating sad thoughts about your angry thoughts.

The point is to embrace your brain no matter what automatic thoughts it generates. This takes away its power over us.

I found this technique very helpful when I was going through a really bad time with rage and anger after an unhappy separation. The idea is to not run away from the thoughts and feelings but run towards them and even embrace them. This shows that one has power over them.

There are other techniques too. One is called "flooding." Another is called "deconstruction." Not sure any of these would be helpful to you in the situation you described so I am just mentioning them as things that helped me.

I think your anger is understandable in the circumstances. But if you are feeling oppressed or trapped by the anger, that is a different story. I hope others here will read your post and respond with more helpful words than my poor words. Anger can sometimes be overwhelming and can steal one's peace of mind and joy of living. Wish I knew how to be helpful to you! Sadly I am just a fellow struggler.

Yao Wen