I slept most of the day today. It signals the worsening of this situation for me. It’s been 2 years since I’ve routinely refused to get out of bed and slept the day away.

I’m drowning in anxiety. It started with my own health anxiety and has moved to anxiety about CR, RS, and finances/employment. I reluctantly went with RS to the convenience store today, leaving CR alone for about 15 minutes but was freaking out the whole time. I convinced myself he would be unconscious by the time we got home. I only went because we both wanted custom sandwiches.

I just feel like the anxiety is out of my control at this point. It’s not acute panic attacks as much, though I’m having those as well. I can sort of handle those. It’s this constant worry about every little thing. If it’s not one thing it’s another. I know once CR is healed up I’ll be on to the next worry. I hate it. I can’t think straight. I’m afraid to leave the house but I will be pushing myself to do that bc I don’t want to become super paranoid again.

I don’t know if medication would help. I’m scheduled to discharge program the week of July 25th so it’s kind of late to make any changes. It’s good that I’m discharging though, I don’t need it anymore, I’m only benefiting from process group. I can process with my own therapist. It’s just a matter of seeing if she has any room in her schedule.

I’m going to get up on time tomorrow. I feel like I’m trapped in the house but also too afraid to leave on my own so I dunno what I’m going to do tomorrow.

I’m watching svengoolie tonight, they are showing a 1957 movie called “the deadly mantis”. It’s about a gigantic prehistoric praying mantis that is traveling down the west coast attacking military bases along the way. I love old horror/sci fi movies. I don’t like current horror or sci fi for some reason but the really silly B-movie stuff is my jam.