Thread: Stuck
View Single Post
 
Old Jul 10, 2022, 12:00 PM
Starlingflock Starlingflock is online now
Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2022
Location: Usa
Posts: 242
I put him before myself, which I guess would have been ok if he had done the same for me.
He is more the type who expects to be put first.

In our first try at marriage counseling, I told the counselor that I treat him like a king, and he agreed and said he really enjoyed that. He rated the relationship a 10 out of 10. This was a time when he was angry often, and I didn’t feel respected, heard, or cared for.

I was not happy, but focused on trying to get through to him so he could see why I was asking what I was asking, why I was concerned. He just saw me as negative, in his way, b*****, etc.

He had wanted to go into biz with his family member, however this person could not be trusted and there was plenty evidence of it. Husband put a lot of debt on us for the biz since the family member has already been bankrupt and couldn’t even get a bank acct I don’t believe. The family member promised husband coownership, and then instead did sole proprietorship and didn’t even call husband an employee, rather an independent contractor so he couldn’t get insurance, although the other employees did get insurance.

Things went sideways and I guess at some point husband was sitting in the grocery store parking lot all day, while telling me he was working for the biz. He put this family member above me, even though he was getting treated like dirt. Still owe like 20k on one of the debts (family member owes I believe but debt is in husbands name).

He never seemed to trust me. Baselessly. He just wanted me to trust him and stay out of the way. I would have but he didn’t make decisions based on fact, just based on hope.

He would get very invested in big ideas without thinking them through. Would use our resources. Didn’t care at all when I was not in agreement.

He would often make large purchases without discussing with me. I guess I had no right since I was stay at home mom at he time. But as you can guess, his attitude didn’t really change when I started working.

His solution was to say I should just buy whatever I want. I explained there is only so much money to go around, but he didn’t care. He would say he didn’t care. He wouldn’t look at numbers at all. Refused. I feel like it was a lot of unnecessary stress and chaos. I watched every dollar while he didn’t think about it all all. At all.

He was more focused on fame and success..gotta spend money to make money..but no business acumen. If I would question anything, he’d say I think he’s stupid and he’d be very angry. It was a nightmare that happened again and again.

He was frequently reinventing himself, and I had a lot of sympathy for him about that and always tried to be supportive. But his ideas were very sloppy.I didn’t try to stop him, just asked him to tone it down, build it thoughtfully, be conservative. He got better about that so I tried not to question his ideas anymore since that made him so angry, and his ideas would fail on their own and I didn’t have to be the bad guy.

Even when some ideas failed, he didn’t change his approach. He always changed ideas, but couldn’t adjust his methods much. He jumps right it, devotes all his time and energy, ignores red flags.

I guess it sounds like my past approach towards him. I always felt too much sympathy for him, or fear, guilt.

The money stuff was a major problem in the marriage. Couldn’t talk to him about finances, always met with anger. I never could understand it. I understand though that he was impulsive, wanted to be successful, and gets hyper focused on whatever idea he has, and then soon he moves on to another idea.

I wonder if he will like his new life without me in his way, wanting to live differently than him.
I remember asking again and again if we could just try some things my way.
Hugs from:
Anonymous32448, Open Eyes