In our relationships we have to decide what we are willing to accept about our mates and what we aren't willing to accept because it may go against our own wants and needs. We don't always see eye to eye on marriage, children, education etc etc. Giving in to someone else's dreams and ideas while putting our own concepts on the back burner can be a double edges sword.

I think in your case, you must consider the ramifications of what would happen down the road if you were to agree to stay and to get married and not have children until or even if he is ready to do so. Many times, in order to hold onto something we feel we want and need, we placate ourselves and think, oh in time he'll come around to my way of thinking...i can work on him little by little and he'll do it.....and then you find out years later that all your cajoling and subtle manipulation to get what you want doesn't work and you are in a hugely difficult relationship and situation. The feelings of hurt, the anger can become so great that lashing out is the only thing you can do.

I think it's important to ask yourself if you are truly in love with this man or are you in love with the idea of what you could have together according to your own plan? If you believe that you can live with his idea of how your relationship should go, are you prepared to be disappointed if he never wants to marry or have children? These seem to be dreams that you hold very dear to you. And you have every right to pursue your dreams as you see fit.

If you see fit to end the relationship because of the difference in ideas and dreams of where your lives should go, then I believe it will open doors for you to pursue other avenues, meet other men and find the one that is more in tune with your lifestyle choices. There has to be a meeting of the minds/hearts/souls to accomplish the lifestyle that you both want. It doesn't seem like either of you have that right now. Is it possible to gain that? Very possibly yes, but it is also a very real possibility that one of you will end up giving in to the other more than what you really want to and hard feelings will arise somewhere down the road.

I don't envy you in your situation right now. It certainly can be scary having the prospect of things not working out between you. I think it's important to understand too that even if things don't work out....your relationship has been a stepping stone and learning experience. Not all bad....and much you can take with you if you decide to move on at some point. In other words, you can take something that didn't work and turn it into a positive to grow on and from

I wish you both well and hope you find your answers soon. Listen to your gut....it doesn't fail you


sabby