I do think you should talk to a lawyer asap. Keep in mind that an attorney is there to advise you and protect your rights and those of your daughter. You don't have to file with the court until you are ready.

Each state has different laws for divorce and child support. An attorney is your best resource to provide you info. Believe it or not, the hardest thing has already been done... you told him you were so unhappy that you wanted a divorce. His response was to run off and NOT PARTICIPATE in the things that may have changed your mind. He isn't going to addiction therapy, because what he's addicted to is more important than you. He isn't putting effort into behavioral change because he doesn't want to change. And he's using a guilt trip ( he left because you all wanted him gone) to manipulate you. He chose to leave.

I know talking to an attorney feels intimidating and final. Its not. And you don't need to know what marital assets you want. An attorney can't tell you what to do, can't make choices for you... an attorney tells you what's legal and not legal in your state. Without an attorney advising you, you are flying blind.

Focus on you. What dreams did you set aside to accommodate him? What hopes did you abandon because he had other ideas? What life do you want for yourself? If you want to change your patterns, then do things differently. Reading books about his personality, about his behavior, about his mental health is focusing on him. Sure it can help you understand, but it's still focusing on him. Focus on you. Try something new every day. A new food, a new coffee shop, a new way to wear your hair, a new nail color, a new exercise, a new way to drive home... open your life to new things and new patterns and new people will fill your life.

When I was first separated, I was lost. I read an article online about healing from emotional trauma. It didn't click. I read books and more articles, my understanding grew, but I didn't change and I wasn't feeling better. It still didn't click. I went to a therapist who for a year listened to me every 2 weeks desperately try to feel better. It still didn't click. One day, he asked me to name all the things I was feeling. There were so many feelings and it was all so complicated and it was like I was trapped. That was the day I named all the things I was feeling at one time Joe. I have no idea where the name came from, but that was the day things clicked for me. From that day on, I only dealt with "Joe" when it was convenient for me. You see, obsessing over "Joe" filled the time I had previously devoted to my ex. And like my ex, "Joe" didn't treat me well, didn't support me, didn't communicate with me, didn't give me anything... then I actually filled my time with things for me. I started walking and met 5 elderly ladies who walked in the mall and joined them. It will be 8 years this winter. I would not be who I am today without these women. But I wouldn't have ever met them if I hadn't focused on myself.

I did eventually deal with "Joe". Focusing on myself made me stronger, smarter and more confident so I could deal with it.

I wish you the best. I hope you and your children live your happiest lives.