we actually talked about it a few times now, and I really got to see where she´s coming from.... her country is known for being quite dangerous and homophobic, and telling me what's acceptable here was her way of being protective. It is also a country where gender roles are rigid and even as a lesbian, she was expected to take the lead and be extra assertive in her previous relationships! Because she's on a masculine presenting side. She accepted that she crossed the line and apologized. So even if certain comments slip up now, I don't feel a way about it I know the choice is mine at the end of the day and that my partner does not mean to diminish me in any way.
Thank you all for the input <3