I have only put one thread on here so far, and Iknow it's... time I added another one...

I feel so stupid and guilty for my boyfriend... Because he's been trying to get me to eat again, the last time he did that, I went on a one week binge.. UGH!!! but just yesterday, feeling more determined to become thin, I was looking up thinspiration and I feel so bad for him, but yet I'm so desperate to be thinner...

I'm a singer/songwriter and I need to have a nice figure to be able to go up on stage and be like by the media and in order to get signed... Plus, I need to have goo self-esteem and confidence onstage...

Which... Is why I'm not eating at all next week and I'm trying to come up with ideas not to go to my boyfriend's next weekend.. I'm planning on getting a friend to come shopping with me on Saturday and then I have a big clean and tidy of my place on Sunday... With no food included...

I wish that I oculd feel good about myself and believe it when people say I have curves in all the right places and that I have just the right size belly, and a size 10 is great for a 16, nearly 17-year old...But I can't just acept it, I don't want to be "average", that's boring, I want to be less than average, then I'd feel thin and better about myself... Does that make sens?

And I'm sorry if I'm triggering anyone, but I needed to get it out...