suicide is one of the hardest I think to deal with. it is such a pointless way out. the main thing in any death though is acceptance. I am so very sorry you are going thru this. my grandfather committed suicide when I was 12. even at 51 I still question whether he really pulled that trigger or not. I just don't think in my heart that he would do that to me. but my mind says he probably did it. so even years later it is still difficult at times. I will try to find some links for you today.