So I was able to talk to one of the other clinicians today (mine is on vacation) and she gave me a couple of skills to use. That was the problem, I couldn't figure out which ones would work. I've been drowning in catastrophizing. I've just been assuming someone is going to die, be it me or RS or CR, because people close to me HAVE died suddenly with no warning. I've also been feeling like no one cares or has even acknowledged what I'm going through (IRL), they're all just placating me with "it won't last forever" and "you're strong".

Anyway one of the other clinicians told me that when I catch myself catastrophizing and assuming the worst (that CR is going to die from complications) I need to stop saying to myself what could go wrong and flip the script to what could go right and focus on that. So the right thing to happen is CR makes a full recovery. The right thing for me is nothing is seriously wrong and I just have to make some diet adjustments.

As for the low level paranoia, she told me to use safety statements (which do work for me but went straight out of my head in the panic), and also take it one step at a time. Such as, look out my window before i go to my car and be aware of anyone that's there. Usually no one is and there's nowhere to hide in the front yards on our block. Then when I get where I'm going do the same thing and use a safety statement (The store is a few feet away, everyone is occupied loading their groceries), etc etc. I'm still afraid but I do feel better about CR. Especially because there has been no cause for alarm, he's doing brilliantly.

So hopefully I won't need to add more medication, although I will if it's needed for sure.