Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive.
The uncomfortable feeling probably stems from you exposing deep feelings. And coming from the client's side it feels more vulnerable because of the inherent power dynamic of this relationship.
I hear that you don't want to bring it up but a 'good' T would bring it up themselves i.e. what it means to you and (hopefully in the case of your T because she said it too) what it means for her and where you both go from there. I think this distinction is important to make and probably why some (professional / ethical) Ts discuss it with clients and are wary of using this term.
I am not implying that your T is not ethical or a 'good' T as she has shown that she is not a 'typical' T. But yeah, it is a loaded word and can carry a lot of expectations or mis-alignments, mis-direction, mis-interpretation... so I think that Ts ought to be careful when 'love' is in the room.
|
Thank you Rive for your thoughts, and taking the time to answer my post. When you said that "The uncomfortable feeling probably stems from you exposing deep feelings" that made a lot of sense. Like with my parents, they don't really say that they love me. My Dad in particular will do things for me that shows that he loves me. Like today for example, he is taking my car into the shop. So that's an act of love. But neither of my parents have ever been good at saying that they love me. I say it to them, but most of the time it is met with silence. For example, when I went into the kitchen this morning, we had ants. I was like, crap! So I went and woke up my Dad and he got up and started spraying and doing whatever to clean them up. As I was getting ready to walk out of the door and go to work, I came up behind him as he was wiping the counter and I hugged him and I said, "I love you, Papa." He didn't say anything. Like, nothing. Not have a good day. See you later kid. Nothing. And that is just how it has always been. I tell two of my friends on a fairly regular basis that I love them. One doesn't say it back and the other one does. I also tell my sister that I love her and she will say it back. Or say it first and then I say it back. But I think there may be some emotional baggage from my childhood and even currently with saying I love you to someone, because of my parents lack of response.
So saying it to my T was a big deal. But I didn't really think through it. I acted on impulse. And my T being sort of an untypical T probably didn't think through it either and said it back. I do agree with you that the T should probably bring it up and discuss it, especially if the client doesn't. Which I don't plan on doing tomorrow. I'm a bit embarrassed that I told her that I love her. Even though I do. I've said it on the Dear T thread here, it was just that I had never told her. So now I have this embarrassment and vulnerability and confusion and whatever else and I probably need for T to take the reins and talk about it, but I'd bet she doesn't.
Thank you Rive.
Kit