Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
This is a good idea, to discuss what it means to each of you. Maybe that would help you feel more OK with it, Kit?
It makes me think of when Dr. T and I were discussing caring about someone, and it seemed like we had different definitions for it, or at least requirements. He seemed to think you had to know someone well to care about them, so when I told him...I don't know 6 months in that I cared about him, he was like, "How can you care about me? You don't even really know me." And I said I can care about neighbors who I barely know or even complete strangers. (It came up again a couple years after that, and then he said he felt I knew him pretty well, so he understood my caring about him.)
What's weird is, he seemed fine with my saying I loved him platonically not that long after the "I care about you" thing. Though he said, "It's platonic, so it's basically that you like me a lot." Me: "Uh, I guess so, yeah, sure." (even though it's not how I defined it, felt safer to go with his definition). Of course he didn't reciprocate and never would, I'm pretty certain (I haven't mentioned that in years). But he's very different from your T, Kit, or yours, Scarlet.
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Hi LT,
Yes, I think defining the word would probably help me out in this situation, but I have to get over my embarrassment and whatever else first! I was totally prepared for Julieanne to be like, "I care about you very much." Or something in reply but she just went all in. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was.
I definitely agree with you that you can care about people that you don't know well, or know at all. I care about people dying in Syria because of the war and I don't know them! And I care about Julieanne. When she was sick last week with Covid, I sent her a gift card to Doordash in the amount of my copay. It was a simple thing. She thanked me for it when we talked on Saturday and it wasn't a big deal. It was just an act of care from one individual to another. But like I said earlier, my T is a bit unusual. A lot of T's probably would have been uncomfortable with that.
As for your other post in discussing with my T about my parents lack of telling me that they love me, it is probably something we need to talk about at some point in therapy. It's just hard because my parents are always there in the other room when I have therapy and it kind of hinders what I can say about them. I mean, they can't hear Julieanne because I wear headphones but they probably can hear what I say even though they have the TV on. It's just where I live the only place to get reliable signal is in the dining room. So that severely limits privacy. I have emailed her on a couple of occasions when I wanted to tell her something about my parents and she was okay with that, so that might be an option worth exploring.
Thanks, LT.
Kit