I don't really remember "I love yous" from my beginnings of therapy. I know I loved ex-T. She said two things that were along the line of "I love you", but she never actually said the phrase.

L says T loves me. T has never said she loves me. She says she "cares deeply" for me. She told me she only uses the word "love" toward her family. We discussed what love means for me and what care deeply means for her, and we had very similar meanings.

I know L loves me. We say it to each other after every phone call and session. We often sign emails with "love" too. Again, we discussed the meaning for both of us. We've even discussed transference and counter-transference.

I don't think love and safety necessarily go together. My dad loved me, but he did not provide me safety. My pdoc was a safe person for me, but we didn't love each other.

It's the same with love and respect. It doesn't always equal each other. It's also like saying a certain degree makes a better therapist.

I don't know why some feel love while others don't.
Or why we have transference with one person and not another. We will probably never know. I know we try to search for answers and explanations as humans, but some things are just too complex. I think love is complex. Might be why it's scary? But I don't think it's as simple as a warm kind person equals safety and love.

Again with my pdoc, she was warm and kind, but no love there. My previous pdoc, was a tough woman. And we loved each other. So I've experienced all sides.

My only point is that love is more than personality.