Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
Also: mini-couch advice, maybe?
I have a “ regular” talk T that I’ve been seeing for 7 years. We have a good, solid relationship, and she has gotten me through a lot. I don’t think there is a ton of transference on my end. I really like her, but she had off last week and it didn’t bother me much.
I am not sure if it was because I still had trauma therapy, or I’m not as attached.
Now, with my trauma T, I feel like I am WAY too attached. We’ve been working consistently together for almost a year, but I’ve seen her on and off in the years I went to the crisis center, as she was a T there.
I feel guilty that I don’t feel the same way towards talk T. I guess it would be really terrible if I felt so attached to both.
What do you think makes the attachment different with these T’s? Obviously they are different people and do therapy differently, but I am more avoidant/fearful in my attachments, so this strong attachment to trauma T scares the living daylights out of me.
I feel like she just got a tiny glimpse in my emails I’ve written her in the last couple of days. Thoughts?
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I'm not sure how to explain it. I was never that attached to ex-T, who I saw for 6 years. With her, I was like, "OK, I want to try someone new" and was able to walk away, basically without looking back (I emailed her once, but it was more because I felt bad for just being like, "OK, peace!" at the end of a session--the guilt, like you mention).
Of course I was very attached to ex-MC. He met a particular need for me, and he was so accepting of everything I said or did for so long (until he wasn't...). Dr. T is very different from ex-MC, but I'm quite attached to him as well. It feels different though, but I'm not sure how to explain it (and I'm dealing with his current vacation pretty well, though maybe in part because I'm seeing his backup?).
I know, an obvious common denominator here is that they are both male T's who are somewhat older than me (ex-MC 12 years, Dr. T 7 years), but I've seen a couple (older) male T's in the past and not gotten attached, though they were for much shorter time frames. (Also a female T for a year, to whom I didn't get particularly attached.)
Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess I'm not sure what exactly makes someone attach to one T and not another. I also think it may be a case of timing and where a client is in their therapy and their life in terms of attachment. Like maybe if I'd seen Dr. T 10 years ago, I wouldn't have become attached (I imagine I still would have with ex-MC).
There's probably just something about your trauma T that leads you to feel more attached. It may not be something you can consciously identify. Maybe she reminds you of someone from your past, like even something random like her eye color or the way she gestures when talking. Or it's just something about her that speaks to you in a way that your regular T does not. In other words, you might not be able to put your finger on the reason.
Also, I hope you hear back from her soon, if you haven't already.