Thank you everyone. When I said that I didn't trust Therapists, that was probably too strong. I probably should have said that I don't think a therapist could understand my thoughts as well as I could. I already know what my struggles are. My primary physician has prescribed meds, but I don't take them and really when I tried I didn't notice anything different or improvement. So they just sit in the medicine cabinet.

What keeps me going everyday is just hope that I can find my groove. I've been a single primary father to my daughter who is now approaching her Senior year in H.S. Once she is finished and I have paid for her college, I hope to be able to cash out and move out past the suburbs into a rural life. Maybe buy a farm or an orchard, or something that allows me to continue to live without so much interpersonal tasks and work presentations that cause my panic. It's all probably a dream, but looking ahead to a brighter future is how I cope.

I appreciate all of the responses here! It's comforting to know that I am not alone in thought. I hope everyone here has lots of great days ahead!!