Seroquel did NOT put me to sleep, and worse I am sure I look drugged. RS will know something is up immediately and I won’t be able to fob it off on being tired because of my 5am awakening. I might get away with telling him I have a headache (which I still do, God it hurts so much). If I tell him I took 75mg of seroquel he will be scared. He may not believe me when I say it’s not dangerous. I mean in IP I was given 300mg and I was fine, just totally knocked out for the whole day.

I’m a little less anxious though. I’m sitting in the living room again. I’ve been holed up in my room again since returning from the interview. I got the job, btw, as a classroom para in an autistic classroom. Still not what one would consider “easy” but they won’t be threatening to kill me six ways from Sunday and they are elementary so they’ll be smaller than me. Not as upsetting.

I was going to call the program director and ask her wtf I should do to calm down but I didn’t want to alarm her. I put ice packs on my head and face, squeezed my stuffed animal. I was too scared to take a shower, that’s a vulnerable position to be in and the bathroom door has no lock.

I didn’t order food either, the driver could have deduced that I was there by myself and waited for me to come out and get it, even though it’s contactless. Some of them do wait, out of courtesy I expect, but They can’t be trusted right now.

I wish safety statements were working right now, I’ve written doezens and nada.