I was away from the threads for quite some time, so don't know your history well. I gather, however, that you have gotten clean recently. You should feel a sense of accomplishment, even though you're feeling pretty horrible lately. Please don't give up before the miracle happens. I've been in similar spaces before & can attest to the fact that things can & do get better. Hang in there.

I know...easier written than done. And I probably sound like the crisis line you've been calling. Sorry if that's the case.