Muddy boots for years whenever you’ve had negative emotional responses you’ve reached for drugs or drink, instant relief. What they are telling you in the crisis line is stuff that does not provide instant relief but takes time to work. Might you ask the act team to help you learn distress tolerance? It’s a part of DBT skills training but I’m thinking it would help you a lot. It takes time and is hard to learn to sit with feelings when you’ve learned that drugs will get rid of or change the negative emotions almost instantly. I’m not saying this is easy or quick but it does work.