So I wasn’t asleep by midnight and I was too afraid to sleep near RS. As determined as I am to follow my dr’s instructions, if only to prove it does not work (and maybe it will, I’m not opposed to the possibility), I got up and took a few different meds. Gabapentin, prazosin, and maybe propranolol, don’t remember. I at least fell asleep soon after. I was going to sleep on the couch but it was too uncomfortable. So I chanced it and well, he didn’t kill me in my sleep obviously.

RS is at his side job so he’s not here. I’m still not sure about him. I honestly don’t want him to come home. It may not be him.

This is ridiculous. I Know it’s ridiculous. I’m really trying to recognize the lie. It could be real though.

I’m going to work today at 1:30. That should be…interesting. I’m not sure, it’s a store full of strangers, I want to think that no one would try to hurt me in a public place but it might be a scam to lure me there so that they can all get me at once. But that can’t be right. That’s a huge plan.

I want to self harm so bad but I promised the real RS I wouldn’t. If he shows up I’ll be in trouble and he’ll be hurt.

I’ll take 100mg seroquel after work and the other 100mg at bedtime.