I'm not doing good. I've lost all hope. My goals and dreams have been taken away from me. Being a mom: gone. Being an architect: gone. Getting bariatric surgery: gone. I'm having a hard time holding on.

My sister asked me how I was doing, and I told her the truth. In return she sent me videos of each of my nieces saying they love me and hope I feel better. It was really sweet and a good reminder that I affect people, but it also felt like manipulation.

L wants me to take my anxiety meds every night until our session. And I'm trying to find a new pdoc. It's scary that I'll have to start over with a new person. I don't know if they'll trust me with both anxiety meds.