My dad is coming to visit again. Very happy about this. I'm grateful that my parents are still alive. Both have survived cancer. I knew that both of them would get cancer (I just knew back then, somehow - "What if they BOTH get it?") - Doesn't help with feeding magical thinking.

They will die soon. And idk what's gonna happen. I might be taken care of - But no one will ever replace the good that they've done for me/to support me. I'll basically have no one.

I'd like to talk real with them - And I've been doing that.. I just don't remember much of our conversations. I hope that they are somewhere deep in my mind.

When I was walking home from school as a kid, friends would say that I'd kick the same rock the whole way home, stuff like that. I imagined that there was a bunch of people inside of my head, with a steering wheel - Looking through my eyes. And there was a vault in the back of my mind where I'd instruct them to put ideas into - But I forgot the key/password.