Cutting has become my life, it has taken over day after day the thoughts are here they never go away. I really hate myself lately. I can tell others not to cut, while I am sitting there with the razor in my hand. WTF....I was always told things happen for a reason..so what is the reason behind me cutting. I was told I was not good enough and that I deserved it, why did I deserve the abuse the rape the depression the everything- I guess I know why it is because somewhere somehow I did deserve it all. I just feel like giving up, why should I try. I know everyone is f* tired of me, all I do is bring others down and I know I do. And everyone tells me no that I am not a bother, but when you have been told your whole life that you are nothing more than an accident that happened you kinda believe that you were and are never good enough for anything nor anyone. I am tired of hold it all in, I want to let it out- but I have no one IRL to talk to about it. And like i have said my former Pdoc and T don't give a **** about me. No response needed, I am not worth it.