Work was hard. I took Xanax in the parking lot beforehand because I was about to cry. It lasted most of my 4 hour shift. Toward the end I was getting scared, four customers were getting closer and closer together and I was afraid that this was the trap I was worried about. It was about 5:15 so I just watched them all until I could leave at 5:30. I had my box cutter in my hand just in case. I counted out and got the hell out of there.

But home is not much better. I’m really not sure still about RS. I mean it’s got to be the real RS, don’t you think? This isn’t ****ing Harry Potter, you can’t brew up poly juice potion.

I need to be somewhere no one expects me to be because if I’m not expected to be there no one can set a trap. I went to 7-11 for a drink right after work and some lady started talking to me and asking all sorts of questions. If I lived close, where do I work. WTF is that??? She saw me get into my car, she know what I drive and my license plate number. She didn’t follow me though. And I lied and said I didn’t live close and that I worked in a store, not which one. So unless she’s got a cop friend or works at the DMV she’s not coming here.

I’m really afraid to stay home alone, see the previous owner is in trouble with the law (we’re getting his court papers) and he purposely didn’t change his address with the court. They’re looking for him. What if the cops come here looking and don’t believe me that he doesn’t live here anymore or what if they’re imposters as well.

Uuuugh I’m pretty sure all this can’t be real but I can’t prove it one way or the other.

I took 100mg of seroquel when I got home, passed out for three hours, then took the other 125mg before bed, along with gabapentin, prazosin, and propranolol. No dice, didn’t sleep until 1am. Woke up at 7:30.

Ok. This is not real. It’s lies. It will pass. Tomorrow or even later today could be better.