Hi. I'm very stressed out. I have nothing to do with my day today. I feel very isolated and pointless. Like a ghost. No one knows I'm here. No one cares. I really do feel that way. Like no one cares. I have all these supports but no one is helping me.


My plan was to go to a yoga class this morning - something to do, get me out of the house. First time at this class. But when I got there, no one was there. And then one person showed up, and they were old, and I know this is superficial, but I thought to myself: I don't want to be around old people at this time in my life. I need to be around my peers. And I left. I should have probably stayed. It was something to do. But whatever. I left.


I need to get a job. Its not that simple though. I want to like my job. I'm looking on indeed, and there's nothing out there that really interests me. I was going to go back to school for office technology, I'd signed a loan agreement and everything. Did loan counseling. But it is full time program with no way of me going part time - they don't allow it. I didn't feel ready for that. I've not worked in so long. I also made a pros and cons list and I just felt so unsure of going. I didn't want to set myself up to fail by going, dropping out, but then owing all that money. 9,000 dollars. That's a lot. Even to pay back over a 10 yr period. I ended up contacting them yesterday to withdraw. It was a really hard decision. But it was the right decision for me. Anyway, I don't really have an interest in the jobs out there. Definitely not retail. A lot of office jobs want experience.


I also have a boyfriend and I hate the fact that I feel so inadequate. I'm going to have to meet his friends and family someday and tell them that I don't have a job. I hate this world and society.


Thats all I have right now. This is not my best writing. But I need support. I need help. I am open to gentle advice.


I think that I am depressed.


There are some things in my life......that I feel very done with. Like chalice circle. Because some of them don't understand my life and can't relate, and it is excruciatingly uncomfortable to have to sit there and do a check in where no one understands because they are old and at a different point in their lives or don't have mental health issues.