My T replied:

"Well, considering you are kind of a role model for kids this week, maybe you can bargain with yourself to delay
til next week. I don't know though if it ever works that way. Know you are loved and valued...by God...by your family and friends...be me...even when you are dealing with this compulsion to
Can you watch yourself from a bit of emotional distance and have some pride and compassion for the young woman you are?"

Yeah....I don't know. I think I am feeling too self destructive to watch myself with emotional distance. I'm way over my head in crap to do this week and way under resourced in self care this week. I definitely feel out of my league and like I need some escape.

I did schedule a massage but the earliest date I could get is August 22nd. Ugh. Not helpful for the here and now. I hope this new dose of medicine kicks in and helps soon because this struggle is real.