The last year has been tough. Not going into the details or this post will be pages long. To hit the highlights.... the best boss I ever had quit and we got a Queen B as his replacement, my best friend got all weird about communicating, then she went in the hospital and died, busted my butt prepping my mom's house then selling it, the stress level at work went through the roof, I retired. Oh yeah, Covid and mass shootings.
I thought I was doing okay coping. Then there were times I was slipping bad old patterns of stuffing everything down and staying busy, busy, busy so I didn't have to deal with it.
One of my cats has not been well for awhile. He died last night. I thought this was coming, but wasn't sure. It's knocked me off my pegs. He was standoffs for most of his life, but got affectionate and cuddly a few years ago when I nursed him following surgery.
I'm not surprised I'm grieving him. That's to be expected. What's thrown me for a loop is that it's like it opened the floodgates for everything that's happened in the last year. I'm finally letting myself cry. Never cried, or to be honest let myself cry about all the other stuff. Tonight I'm sitting here with tears running down my face feeling like a tidal wave crashed over me. At the same time it's a relief to let it all out.