Wow.... I am so sorry that you are going through such heartache and pain!

If/when a man says he loves another woman, and is sending her money that was meant for your own family, I would believe him at his word. I would not force or push the issue. It's different if he says there are issues in the marriage and he's not sure if it will work. Then there's a chance for couples therapy to figure things out. But feelings for someone else that came before you? You cannot change that fact, quite unfortunately. I am so sorry!

If you cannot be the one to file for divorce because it's too hard, then let him. But he does have an obligation to the children.