Hi. I've felt that way before. It's an awful lonely place to be. It's good that you reached out here, and hopefully you can get some understanding and support.

If you are in crisis right now, I do suggest that you seek professional help either by going to the ER or calling 911 or by calling a crisis line. There is a text line you can text with 741741 and they might be of assistance to you.

I wonder, do you have a therapist? Sometimes having someone to talk through these thoughts can be very helpful. I think having someone there for you that can validate your struggling self could be very beneficial.

Suicidal thoughts might be kind of common but that doesn't mean that you have to act on them. It's good to seek out sources of care. Do you have any friends, family, Church members etc that you could reach out to and say that you are struggling? You wouldn't have to bare your soul, but sometimes just having someone to sit with you through the pain can be enough.

I hope you will feel a renewal of purpose and hope soon and that you can keep going forward in life. HUGS if wanted, Kit